July 4, 2011

OCD and Stress

The last few days have been hard.  It’s amazing how stress can increase OCD thoughts and DECREASE my ability to resist compulsions. 

It started with an ongoing battle that I am having with my condo committee.  It’s a long story, and not even worth writing about, but suffice it to say that I really struggle with injustice.  And that is what is happening in my condominium complex.  I feel helpless.  And I hate that feeling.  It makes me very angry.  So angry, that I’ve been waking up at night and obsessing about it. 

Then today I found out that my mom isn’t doing well.  She’s been experiencing back pain for the last month and a half, but hasn’t told me because she doesn’t want me to worry.  My sister told me today in an email.  She hasn’t been able to get in to see her Oncologist.  Though, knowing my mom – who is NOT assertive at all – she hasn’t tried very hard.  I am angry, and I don’t know who to be angry at....the Cancer Clinic or my Mom?  I am scared......REALLY scared.  And – again – I feel HELPLESS.  We got her CT scan results back and the tumour is still there.  Her tumour markers are up, and she is feeling horrible.  Not good.  And there isn’t much we can do.  Her cancer is in-operable.  The chemotherapy didn’t work.  What now? 

So, today my OCD thoughts were ramping up.  Dealing with my sister is an exposure, because she is divorced, and annoying and has nothing good to say about men.  And I just don’t have the energy to do ERP. 

Please do what you can – pray, think good thoughts or whatever it is that you do – for my Mom. 

4 comments:

  1. I will definitely think good thoughts, for both her and you.

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  2. I will be praying for your mom, POC. I hope you're well, hang in there.

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  3. I'm sorry to hear Your Mom is ill. You both are in my thoughts..

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  4. Karin says:

    Sorry to hear about your mom. And that your ocd is raging. (hug)

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