August 11, 2011

So much to say....

These days I'm in "crisis mode".  Not OCD crisis mode - REAL crisis mode.  I've been wanting to take a few moments to update everyone, and I have a few other things that I want to write about so I'll throw some stuff down and hopefully soon I'll have the time, energy etc to write some more. 

Just over three weeks ago my mom moved into palliative care at the hospital and my family shifted into a new stage.  I made arrangements at work so that I could spend as much time with my mom as possible.  So for the last few weeks, I've been staying at their house on Vancouver Island for about four days, then traveling back to Vancouver to work.  I'm exhausted, but I really wouldn't have it any other way.  My mom refuses to accept that she is dying, and is as courageous and stronger than anyone I've ever met.  (Why didn't I get those genes???) Call it denial, call it whatever you want - the most important thing is that SHE'S HAPPY in her dying days (weeks?).  We've been so lucky - she's had friends and family flocking to her bedside from across the country.  It's been busy....distracting.  We haven't had a lot of quiet moments to think about what life will be like after she is gone.  I think - for the most part - I'm actually living in the moment!  Our time together with family and friends has been full of a lot of laughter and reminiscing.  Looking at old family albums, and telling old stories.  Considering the reality of the situation - I would say it's the best case scenario. 

I have so much to write about....the OCD Conference - WOW - what an experience! It was the first time I was surrounded by people who actually knew that I have OCD.  For the first day, while walking around the conference, I felt completely naked.  Great exposure for me!  I had really mixed feelings based on my experiences at the conference.  More about that later. 

I want to give my review about a book I read written by a woman living in the UK.  It's called "The Woman who Thought too much".  That will be another post. 

And I want to give you an update on my OCD.  Obviously at this point ERP is on hold.  I'm still seeing my therapist, and I am very grateful for his support.  I'm still doing my best not to compulse and avoid things.  I'm also very thankful for all of my blogging friends' support.  I have no idea what lies ahead for me on this journey of saying goodbye to my mom.  I'm just putting one foot in front of the other. 

3 comments:

  1. Keep strong and hope you have lots of days still with your mom!

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  2. I've been thinking of you! You *did* get those genes of strength and courage! You are living your life, being with your mother, living in the moment as best you can.

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  3. The fact that there are friends and family flocking to your mother's bedside is a testament to what kind of person she is and how much she means to other people. And the fact that you are able to live in the moment now is a real gift....for you and your Mom. Thank you for the update. You are in my thoughts.

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