January 1, 2012

I lied.

I feel horrible.  Really depressed.....and sad....and hopeless. 

Trying to just go with it.  Geez - I have a heck of a time just letting it out and crying.  I wish I could do that. 

Right now life seems overwhelmingly hard on a number of counts.  I don't know how I am going to get out of this.  Logically I know "this too shall pass", but wow - how many scars will I come out of this one with?  That's what scares me. 

How is it possible that one can go from feeling like progress is being made, to feeling stuck in quicksand in a matter of one day???????

10 comments:

  1. I'm sorry you're feeling so sad right now. I remember the very first time I had a major setback in my treatment I became so hopeless and I was convinced I would never get better. It was awful. But it did not last. I've had many ups and downs since, but the down times eventually end. I just know it will for you too. I sure hope tomorrow goes better for you.

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  2. POC, I am feeling very similar right now. I have been doing so great, on my meds and with life in general, then the middle of last week hit and I have been struggling. We will have ups and downs. It's not "IF" OCD comes back, it should be "WHEN" it comes back so you are prepared the next time it happens, and you can work on it... You are strong and you can do this.

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  3. PS- Love your new background. Super cute :)

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  4. Thanks ladies for the vote of confidence. I love my OCD virtual "pen pals" - you all can empathize so well to how crappy it feels. It's funny - I'm not surprised really with the stress that I've been through in the last few months - that I would have some setbacks. It just feels so painful when you're in it you know? Especially when the depression is here along with it. I'm sorry you're feeling crappy too Lolly. We will get through this. :o)

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  5. I am sorry this is such a tough time. It will pass, but it sure is not easy to wait until it does. I understand completely. The dark times can seem to suck you down. I hope today has been a better day for you.

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  6. The depression makes everything worse. Every spike of anxiety, every "what if," every powerfully convincing thought of doom. And, to top it off you are dealing with a very painful loss and family challenges. Here's a hug from a fellow OCDer. You will come out on the other end. We all will.

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  7. I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I hate going from a good day to a bad day. The good time can make the bad time feel so much worse. Each minute that passes is a victory. Keep up the good work -even if you feel like you are doing nothing. :) Sometimes just standing still is an amazing display of strength.

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  8. Thanks again everyone. You all inspire me so much. Yes - "enduring" the tough times makes it so hard. Not beating myself up during the tough times is even harder. Abigail - you're right that sometimes just getting out of bed and getting through the day displays strength.

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  9. I know what you mean - the ups and downs are very hard to deal with; at least for me! I am a fellow anxiety/depression/OCD sufferer and IT IS NOT EASY! I hope you some better days soon, too. I can relate to wanting to cry and not being able to; that happens to me a lot.

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  10. First of all (((HUGS))) It does get better again.

    Isn't it horrid how the 'step backward' can be sooo devistating and all-encompassing that we forget that we can get thru it. OCD is so overwhelming and loud or conversly so quiet and energy-draining as it taunts from the back of your mind that it will ALWAYS be like this so might as well give up. Getting thru each 'step back' takes determination, persistance and hope.

    Hang in there! That's what we're all here to remind you while in the throes of ocd: it does get better again.

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