May 21, 2012

The Pain is a sign of Growth.....Part Two

I can’t express enough how the last couple of weeks have been a massive growth experience for me.  And I am taking it to be exactly that, and I am grateful for it.  It’s amazing – the shift – to be honest.  In the past, two things would happen:  I would be angry, and I would be obsessing.  Don’t get me wrong, the obsessing is still happening.  But the anger has really subsided. 

It’s amazing how things really do change, every second of every moment.  It really is impossible to predict the future.  For those of us with OCD who like to “think” we can predict the future (ie: answer), I am learning that that habit provides a false sense of security.  Letting go of this security is definitely not easy, but it is necessary for me.  I suppose truly learning to live in the moment is key, and that really takes discipline. 
I’ve had some comments on my last post, expressing negative opinions about the man that I wrote about and the experience that I had with him.  I am grateful for your care and concern, and believe me, there were moments that I wanted to persecute him too, and label him as a “bad guy”.  In reality though, I think he is a man with some very wonderful qualities, and a man with some baggage, but I am avoiding labelling him as “good” or “bad”.  We all have baggage, heck, I’ve got a ton of it, and he is just doing his best to navigate through this world, while still taking care of himself, and protecting the parts of him that he has to protect.  At this point I don’t know if he (and his “stuff”) and I (and my “stuff) would be conducive to a healthy relationship, and I may never find that out.  But really, at this point, none of it is about him. 

It’s all about me. 
  • It’s about me learning how to take care of myself and stay focused, even when I am slammed with uncertainty and the anxiety that comes with it.
  • It’s about me learning how to remain in the moment and not be attached to any sort of outcome. 
  • It’s about me learning to feel the real feelings underneath the anxiety and anger, and process them and move forward. 

I’m working on that right now.  If it wasn’t for this man, I wouldn’t have had this opportunity.  I am grateful for him for that reason. 

3 comments:

  1. Ah, the shift in thinking. Awesome! When that finally happened for me, it was a huge step forward. I was just commenting today on someone else's blog about how powerful our thoughts are. Over and over again, my psychologist would point out to me that often, negative events were actually an opportunity to expose myself to things that were scary and grow from the experience. Thinking that way makes life so much more bearable. I'm happy for you.

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  2. Thank you for this post. In my latest Blog post, I am telling about one good thing my abuser has done to me, and what i meant is also that they are not all goo or all bad, so is everyone. We are just learning lessons .

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  3. You have such insight into what you need to do...good for you. Your comment about how things really do change is so true. Life is so unpredictable and in a sense, we are just along for the ride, with all its twists and turns!

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