This is a photo of my living room wall. I put this saying up a few months ago, after my Mom died. At the time, it was to remind me that the horrible feelings of grief that I was experiencing wouldn't last forever. That I would get through it all....that it would all pass.
Of course, I am doing a lot better in the grieving department. However, as I've written in several posts, I am still so incredibly averse to allowing myself room to experience negative feelings. It's amazing how subtle a difference it is for me, but I really do have to consciously open myself up - and consciously let it all in.
It dawned on me several weeks ago though, that this saying has much greater meaning than to "reassure" me that bad feelings won't last. The point is, that nothing lasts. "Good" feelings and "bad" ones. "Pleasant" situations and "unpleasant" ones. And, of course this is another lesson to me for dealing with my OCD.
I've been doing so well lately. Lots of mindfulness, lots of reminding myself that it really is only IN THE MOMENT that we can make the choice to either move towards a life free from fear/OCD or we can give in to OCD's demands. That conviction is so hard for me some days! Manifesting the courage....somedays seems almost impossible. But I remind myself that it really is moment-by-moment that we can choose.
And.......I got too attached to being free of the thoughts. I got over-confident. This has happened to me before, and I am in the midst of getting back on track. But - the interesting thing is that this saying is so poignant here as well. The lesson for me is to not become too attached to "feeling good" and not averse to "struggling". Not an easy thing for me to work with, but I am doing my best these days.
It's almost one year since attending my first OCD converence in San Diego. I recall Dr. Reid Wilson's talk about dealing with OCD. I found it inspiring. He discussed a quote that I have seen in Buddhist writings. It goes something like: "When a dog is chasing you, whistle for him.". It's really only in the moment - EVERY SINGLE MOMENT - that I have a choice to turn towards my fear or run from it. My perfectionism wants me to do it all right - NOW. I have to remind myself for "progress, not perfection".....and do my best to be compassionate with myself when I fall down. I tend to be my own worst enemy, which just makes it worse.
I'd love to hear your comments about how you are kind and compassionate with yourself when you "screw up" or get off track.