February 8, 2013

Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde....with OCD.

Sometimes I do wonder if I have bi-polar disorder AND OCD (and yes, in the past I have obsessed about the possibility of having bi-polar disorder!), because I really do feel like Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde on some days.  

The last few days have been EXCELLENT.  Things have taken a huge turn for the better.  I feel like my old/new self.  Why?  Who knows.   

I had a fantastic session with my therapist a couple of days ago (have I mentioned how much I love my therapist?).  We're at the point in our relationship now where he doesn't really give me a lot of new information.  Let's face it - I know what I have to do.  But he gives me some "tough love” in his very kind, friendly, supportive way.  And he still catches me....and has an amazing way of making me think differently about things.  I am re-motivated again. 
Plus, I hate to admit it - but I do think my difficulties in the last little while were somewhat PMS related.  I’ve written before about how PMS affects my OCD, and I suppose that happened again.  I am flabbergasted by how – within a day or so – my mind-set can COMPLETELY CHANGE!  The way I view things, my emotions....all of it. 

Anyway, my courage seems to have come back again.  I’ve got some exposure homework to do, and I’m not dreading it, or even all that scared.  Go figure. 
Once again I am reminded of the eternal truth:  “This too shall pass” 

I am grateful. 
I hope everyone is well.  :o)

14 comments:

  1. I'm totally afraid of becoming Bi-Polar too! And since starting CBT, I'm trying to learn to be comfortable with uncomfortable emotions, but then sometimes I just think "Gosh, I'm so irritable.. uh oh, maybe I AM bi-polar." We just have to approach it the same way we approach all our OCD fears: be mindful, be unafraid, and not obsess (easier said than done!). - VB

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  2. Yay, I'm glad you are feeling better!

    I have obsessed about having bipolar or even schizophrenia. And my mood can change really fast, though I don't think speedy mood changes are necessarily a symptom of bipolar. I did ask my psychiatrist about if I maybe had bipolar, once, the kind with only hypomania (or, if there is such a thing, hypohypomania), not full mania, and he said that at this point, it doesn't look like I have it, though that could change in the future. So that laid the issue to rest for the time being.

    Glad your motivation to work on exposures came back! Good luck!

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  3. Glad you are feeling better. I think it's helpful to us all to always remember "This too shall pass."

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  4. I'm glad you're feeling better!

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  5. Sometimes I am seriously convinced you and I share the same brain. I can relate to every word written in that post, and have wanted to get a tattoo of the phrase, "this too shall pass".

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  6. I just found your blog and I too suffer from the Pure O form of OCD, usually either circling around violence or loss of control (embarrassing myself socially). Then I start disasteritizing everything and think "What if I want to do these things?" "What if I train myself to do these things?" "What if exposing myself to the fear makes me train myself?" But the fact of the matter is, something that you fear, you're not going to do if you have Pure O.
    It's nice to see an open blog about these thoughts that get caught up in a circle. I very much appreciate your candor and will be reading this from now on :)

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  7. Just found out this blog. I've had compulsive behaviour since my early childhood, but have been diagnosed in my late 20's. Well, it's never too late, right?
    Hope you are doing well.
    Greetings from Brasil,
    Lou

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  8. Miss your excellent posts - hope everything continues to go well.

    I nominated your blog in a post - it has helped me so much, as another Pure O.

    http://poetspilgrimage.wordpress.com/2013/04/12/blog-for-mental-health-2013/

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    1. Thank you so much!!! What an honour.

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  9. Hope you are doing well! I miss your excellent posts :) I know life gets busy, that's not meant to make you feel guilty.

    As another Pure O, your blog has helped me so much. I nominated it in a post the other day:

    http://poetspilgrimage.wordpress.com/2013/04/12/blog-for-mental-health-2013/

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  10. Hi, just stumbled across your blog. I understand your struggles. My OCD comes in the form of hypochondria.

    Anyway, my question is, have you considered that you might be bisexual or bicurious? If so, maybe you ARE attracted to women on some level, but that doesn't mean you can't be equally or more attracted to men and have a fulfilling relationship with your boyfriend. Nothing about your actual situation would change, just your understanding of yourself.

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    1. Hi There,
      Thanks for your comment! I have refrained from labelling myself at this point mostly because of OCD reasons....but I do agree that sexuality is definitely not black and white and that people fall on many different areas of a spectrum. The point of living with OCD is living with the uncertainty - not really figuring out what my label is.

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  11. So I've been going CRAZY trying to find your blog! I follow you but since I haven't seen any recent posts I had a hard time finding you but I remembered there was someone that was wanting to go to Africa. Nonetheless, quick overview on me is that I have an anxiety disorder with undiagnosed (professionally) mild to moderate OCD or OCD tendencies (especially my thought processes). Anyway, my boyfriend broke up with me 3 or 4 months ago and my anxiety went crazy. I had put my career and life on hold for three years during a long distance relationship dealing with all sorts of themes in my anxiety and suddenly the ground had left from under me. ANYWAY my older sister is in Germany and offered me a place to stay so I literally bought a one way ticket came here (to Germany) from the States, found a job on the military base to be able to stay, just bought a car, and well although it's tough and I have no idea what's in store for my future (major major trigger for my spikes when I think about it) ... it's one of the best decisions I've made and I really hope you do your Africa trip. Feel free to email me anytime! jenmarvaz@gmail.com

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    1. Jen - thanks for your comment! And what a great leap for you to take! I'm still planning my Africa trip, but I've had lots of changes too lately, so my OCD has reared its ugly head. I hope you're well. :o)

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