February 3, 2013

More on....willingness....


I’ve been thinking a lot this week about the subtle “nuances” that seem (at least in my case) to make the difference between struggling with my OCD, and feeling like I am beating the monster.  It really does come down to having the attitude of being willing to accept, face and deal with my worst fears coming true.....in every single moment of every day.  And not just "parroting" the words to myself when faced with a fear.  Nope.  It's a deep, personal commitment to myself.  In my opinion, this requires mindfulness and a lot of courage.  I'm still struggling with the acceptance and courage pieces, I think. (Heck, I’m still challenged by all of it!) 
Why is it that those of us with OCD need to be courageous all the time? 
The whole world avoids their fears.  I know of people who are terrified of driving, but live perfectly fine lives taking the bus.  I know people who are scared of dogs....so they just don’t have a dog as a pet.  I can think of many examples of this happening in everyday life.  The curse (and possibly blessing?) of those of us with OCD is that we just don’t get to have that luxury....we don’t get to avoid our fears.  And there are still times for me that this fact makes me angry. 
I alluded to this in my last post.  Geez it frustrates me that during the times that we really want to be OCD-free - times like holidays, special events, or times where most people would be "care free" and having fun - this is when OCD loves to latch on.  What a rip off.  Seriously. 
Perhaps the fact that we don’t have the “luxury” of being able to avoid our fears is a blessing in disguise.  We develop courage.  We become stronger people.  We get to fully live life to the fullest, learning not to be halted with “road blocks” that might stop others from realizing their full potential.  Or, maybe we’re just more fearful people to begin with.  Who knows.  I do know that most people would agree that the best way to live life fully is to face our fears....to live life courageously....to be strong. 
This is a new “skill” that I am still developing.  I'm still learning how to live a good life while being OK with accepting that really everything in the future is uncertain.  What do we know FOR SURE, anyway? I'm still learning to not "crave" security and appreciate the beauty of uncertainty.

2 comments:

  1. I think this is a great post, and I agree. People with OCD are striving to live authentic lives by facing their fears and not letting them control them. There aren't too many things that are more courageous than that.

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  2. I found your blog while searching for other writers like myself who suffer from extreme OCD. The fear associated with OCD can be almost crippling at times, can it not?

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